Hackers Suck

I wish my job was about happy, productive things. Like installing, training, testing... Instead much of my time is taken up by fixing the crap that bored teenagers decide to infect my systems with.

It's all I can do to keep up with the misadventure of the users. Let alone the focussed, malicious, self-aware attacks levelled upon my poor systems by these zit faced, dog fellating, children.

When I say misadventure, I'm talking about the "click on this e-card" and "send this to everyone on earth" idiots who, with uninhibited zeal, trustingly click on every link mailed to them, and then dutifully forward that mail to everyone on their contact list so that other unsuspecting IT guys can stay late at work fixing it and have less time with their kids. These are typically also the users who have the screensaver packs installed, which, when loaded, phone "home" with all of the browsing habits and IP information of the computer from which it was sent.

Then there is the slightly higher functioning idiot. These are the users who install those helpful programs that are the mainstays of an unproductive workplace. Yahoo Messenger, MSN, ICQ, any any one of a dozen other chat programs. These dandy jewels are very proficient at opening their own ports on the firewall using that helpful PnP option. Now the zipperheads can share those ridiculous e-cards and hoaxes in real time without having to wait for my e-mail server to pass its enormous e-turd of useless communications.

Now we visit the desk of the enigmatic, unaware, unbridled, uber-idiot. Trojan-riddled screensavers will simply whet the appetite, and the installation of the chat programs merely feeds the beast of experimentation. More often than not, this user had the highest legitimate requirement for a fast, stable internet connection. As I indicated above, however, this user is a bit of an enigma in that they are the ones who seem to go out of their way to throttle the available bandwidth to the point where they have turned a Niagara Falls-like data pipe into the constricted urethra of a 90 year old housefly.

iTunes, Limewire, Bearshare, you name it. These ever-present data stream hogs are lying there beside the clock in the system tray devouring any available unsuspecting bandwidth that may wander by. Downloading entire albums to listen to one song, warehousing movies and songs in their shared folder, unwittingly sharing it with all of the internet's great unwashed masses. And, yes, somewhere in Islamabagtaipeichewanistan, there is a young man quietly uploading a trojan horse to that shared folder. The payload of which makes a punch in the balls look like a hug from a super-model. Hackers Suck.