Mrs. Mikes - A cautionary tale

I received an e-mail this morning that caused me great conflict. My Burger Club mentor asking me if I was planning on attending this weeks excursion to Mrs. Mikes.  I initially responded "no" as I had a case of food poisoning a couple years ago there.  And shortly after that, I saw a news report about some infected beef that was found there by the health authorities.  This didn't bode well for my making a return visit.

In fact, the time we were to meet there was 11:30, and at 11:20 I was still in my house.  My commitment to Burger Club prevailed and I raced to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee and pulled in to a parking spot just down the street from Mrs Mikes at 11:38.  If I can't be fashionably dressed, I might as well be fashionably late.

The sun was strong and hot as I took my seat at the table of men.  I displayed dominance by arriving with 4 days of beard and wearing my finest grimy sandals. There was some posturing at first, but they eventually accepted me as their new alpha.

I steeled myself for the possibility of being poisoned, and strode confidently to the take-out window and ordered a Single King ($ 6.00 taxes in).  I apologized to the clerk for ordering off-menu, but she assured me that people do it all the time.  I fell short of telling her that I was simply trying to reduce the amount of salmonella I was about to ingest. There seemed no way for that to not sound confrontational.

A few minutes later I was handed a hot mess of meatlettucemayobunpicklemustard. I appreciated the faith the clerk showed in my eating ability by only handing me the allotted ONE NAPKIN. I asked for more napkins and was given a SECOND NAPKIN.  That's OK. I like a challenge.

As I unwrapped the burger, I was immediately concerned for all of the people in the world who would not have any mayonnaise because my burger had ALL OF IT.  It was oozing out of all sides and dragging the shredded iceberg lettuce with it. I reluctantly picked it up and chose what I thought was the head of this creature, and with some trepidation, bit down.  The chain reaction that this caused, was immediate and really, really messy. Nearly half of the shredded lettuce, lubricated by the copious mayo, oozed out the back of my Single King and hung there; draped from my burger down to the wrapper on the table.  I recoiled to wipe my mouth with as little of NAPKIN ONE as possible.

My had was filled with what appeared to be an albino Rastafarian with an affinity for cream rinse.  In respect for the lady that was now seated at our table, I reduced the lettuce in my burger by pulling it out onto the foil wrapper.  This was helpful in removing most of the mayo as well. This made for an easier time as I progressed.  I used every bit of NAPKIN ONE and SECOND NAPKIN as I progressed through my bukakke burger. (Don't Google that-SO NSFW).

Once I had removed the lettuce and mayo mess, I was able to concentrate on the flavor of the burger.  The bun was appropriately sized.  It didn't let me down.  The burger patty was a decent size and there seemed to be a lot of filler lending it to have an odd color and texture.. This is what I have come to expect from "Fat Boy" style burgers.  So I wasn't surprised.

Aside from the mayo, the other condiments were amount appropriate and complimented the burger well. I like a thinly sliced tomato on my burger, but in this case, I felt they were too thin. Nitpicking a little there. But the tomato didn't even have the seed and gel part. Just the cellular walls.  It was odd.

All things considered, I rate Mrs. Mikes a 3 out of 5 in each category. I would have elevated a couple categories to 4 had there not been the issue with the lettuce and mayo.  I also felt the price was too high for what was definitely not an all-beef patty.